Club run reports - 29th September

Category 6 ride led by Tony Dos Santos 

Strap line: Has anyone seen Wally? Where’s Wally? Now replace with Where’s Pete’s Toolkit? All will be revealed. 

'Twas a pleasant, nay, picturesque morn on the last Sunday of September. The sun was shining, the robins were chirping. Nothing could go wrong. 

I rode up to Ware on my bicyclette. Upon yonder route, I saw the Category four riders at the Clock Tower and I even got a cameo part in the movie “Cat 4 does Barnet” (it’s better if you say it in a gangster style voice, lol). 

Half a mile up the road, Leigh was waiting for me with his brand spanking new Garmin. “It’s massive I said”, but Leigh still couldn’t read the text! 

On to Ware we continued with great speed and aplomb (sorry, I’ve always wanted to use this word, just don’t know if it’s even in the correct context, but I don’t care) and we arrived with fifteen minutes to spare. 

We arrived at the same time as Carolyn and Pete. Claire was already there setting up her bike. I really don’t know what’s happening - that’s like three times in a row Claire has been early. 

As we were waiting, more and more Wheelers started to pile in (I was going to write converge, but I didn’t know how to spell it) and by 9, we were twelve, all raring to go. 

Even Rebecca turned up, but got a lift down. A little more a bit later on this. 

Kate advised she was only going to come on part of the route as her lad was coming back from uni and a roast was being made. Yes it was beef, but I really have to stop digressing. 

Off we shot at nine, on the nose. Well when I say “off we shot”, it was more like a lazy, snail, slow movement outside the gates as we all turned left. 

The usual banter ensued. It’s so nice having everyone along. Simsy, Smudger, Routemaster and The Tweak were also on the ride. Can you believe it eh, one of the coldest summers we’ve had and the temperature has dropped to 8°C. But, not according to Leigh’s new Garmin, it was “stuck” at 20.3°C. A glitch in the matrix? Who knows! 

We rode through the glen, like Robin Hood's Merry men. I’m a poet and you didn’t even know it! 

We rode up the Hill Climb hill. Today I had a cunning plan to beat Ian and I won. Yes I won, ah yeah, I forgot to say Ian wasn’t on the ride was he? Nonetheless, I beat him.

It was nice to see Jim Springham, but I think he needs a “volume control” on his jacket; jeez, it was so bright, when the sun came out, we all nearly crashed. OK, OK,, we didn’t nearly crash. But lovely to have you on the ride Jim. 

Kate said her goodbyes after about ten miles and I was envious of her roast beef, followed by a berry and lemon tart with almonds. Although this one doesn’t have almonds. 

We were about five miles from the Cafe and Pete rode up next to me and said he had a cunning plan (like Baldrick from Blackadder). I was entranced by Pete’s words of wisdom, which were “as there’s such a large group, let’s let the front four sit 50 metres away and we will keep the gap”. Well, I was happy with that, until Pete then shot off hell for leather and caught up with the others in front. The “cunning plan” lasted, ahem, about three minutes. If I could put a laughing emoji in right now, I would. 

When we were about half a mile away from the cafe, Rebecca said her goodbyes, as she only lived about half a mile from where she peeled off. We all know why she peeled off don’t we :-). Now, this is where it gets interesting, after a quick study of Rebecca’s Strava, she turned right and then a quick right into a dead end road (laugh emoji laugh emoji). She knows the area well! (see image attached). 

We got to Mocha at about a quarter to eleven. We made good time, considering it was a circuitous route (there we go Carolyn, I got the word into the ride report). The cafe was twenty two miles into the route. 

Eight went upstairs and Leigh and Jim and I sat outside.  Food ordered - it came out after two minutes. Superb service and the food was also nice, with lovely crispy chips. Carolyn would have loved those chips, despite her not liking chips. 

All fed and watered, Pete came out and realised his toolkit was missing. It’s one of those ones you put in a water bottle type thing. Oh no, maybe it’s jumped out of the bidon holder where it “was”. Daniel came over to inspect the bidon and confirmed the holder was loose, which really helped the situation. Thanks Dan! (Laugh emoji, laugh emoji). I’m getting good at putting these emojis in aren’t I! We started back and I think Pete was looking on the road, even though we were returning on a different route (Laugh emoji, laugh emoji). 

Only fourteen miles back as Carolyn’s circuitous return route (see I did it again (Laugh emoji, laugh emoji)) was nice and short. 

We literally flew back into a horrible head wind. The fifty metre rule not being observed as the ones in front were about a mile ahead (Laugh emoji, laugh emoji). 

I peeled off just before Stanstead Abbotts, going between the reservoirs to get home. I would have said my goodbyes to everyone, but they weren’t following Pete’s fifty metre rule (Laugh emoji, laugh emoji). 

Denis confirmed a wattage of 120 watts being pushed through the pedals. He’s also got a light bulb in his back pocket, which is, funnily enough 120 watts (snigger emoji, snigger emoji). I don’t know why I put a snigger in there, but it appeared to be appropriate (Laugh emoji, laugh emoji). 

I think I covered it all really, I’ve also got the emojis down to a tee, haven’t I?

No mechanicals, not even a slipped chain, as my chain has been fixed once and for all. Did I tell you that I had trouble with my front chain ring? Maybe I didn’t, but, now I can smash my front chain ring from top to bottom with no smashing into the frame anymore. Only took me about eight years to work it out (Laugh emoji, laugh emoji). 

Thanks all for coming and a special thanks to Carolyn, for coming up with these really excellent routes. 

Just a side note, Pete has got home and Carolyn went into the garage and guess what she found! (Laugh emoji,laugh emoji). See image attached. 

Obviously written on the throne and please look at the images attached. 

Love and kisses. Tony.