Club run report - 7th May

Category 6 ride led by Tony Dos Santos

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away………… (cue the Star Wars music). Cue the bloke with the husky voice on all voice overs “Today was a day of all days - three crashes, two punctures and rides going the wrong way and some even managing to ride into a hedge”! Intrigued? Read on. 

It will be fun, “they said”, when you lead a category 6 ride! Well today was fun, but mayhem also ensued. 

Eleven brave soldiers turned up at Allenbury's. Mark Kerr came along - not seen him in ages. Congratulations on your baby girl, Daniella,(I hope that’s the correct spelling) who is now eight months old. Hopefully, we will see you a little more, now the bairn has settled in. Martin Phillips then shows up, amazing, once again, not see him in ages. The usual reprobates arrived, obviously with the exception of Carolyn! 

We left a tad late, due to Kev, erm, needing to go somewhere before. All tapping our feet, Kev finally turns up. Off we go 12 minutes late. We went up the Cambridge road, where Ian Bailey asks where are we going, We were turning left into Anchor Lane, but Ian rides away and apparently goes straight past and up the hill past the Feathers. We came to the Wadesmill Road and turned right up to Chapmore End. I’m only counting ten of us. I then realise Ian is missing. I get on the phone and Ian says he’s on his way. Eventually we are eleven again. 

We rode through Bramfield, yada, yada. Mark and I were having a lovely chat and everyone started shouting that we should turn left! Oooooops, this is what happens when I’m not paying attention and wondered why my Garmin was buzzing away at me. We got to Poplars Green, where we regrouped. As we moved off, David crashed to the ground after clipping my back wheel. His knee, slightly worse for wear, and we unzipped his lower trousers to see what the damage was. Luckily it didn’t look that bad, but bleeding. David said he could continue. 

Up through Panshanger we rode, this was going to be a hilly one. As we turned up Robins Nest Hill, I could hear groans from the back. 
Nearly at the top, and: Boom. Peter B came off his bike. Peter was more worried about his bike. He’s a hero, isn’t he! We went off again and my mind was racing at what more could really go wrong! As we went up another hill, Mark Kerr then had the dreaded puncture. All changed in about ten minutes we were off again, thanks to Peter B and his tyre glider. 

We arrived at Essendon at 11.30, where the drinks came quickly. Then we waited and waited to be served for the food. At a quarter to one we left. Another disaster, as David realised he had fluid leaking from his rear tyre. Luckily it sealed and we pumped it up. Then Daniel Horn, said those ultimate words to me, which were “Come on ride leader, get a wiggle on”. I knew Karma would come, but not so early. 

As we were riding down towards the barrier at the country club, there is a number key pad that you key into to raise the barrier. Well Daniel’s shoulder decided to have a good look at the number pad at 10 mph. I still can’t stop laughing at how he actually rode into the number pad. Maybe he was looking to see if the pad worked! :-)

Nothing more could go wrong, could it? 

Martin Phillips said he was going to take a shortcut home, and said his goodbyes. Well, we thought it was goodbye. Off we rode to Paradise Wildlife Park and who should come towards us - yes, Martin, who apparently turned right, right and right again. We couldn’t help laughing, as we said cheerio to Martin again. 

Now, a little birdie told me that Richard Hann had also ridden into a hedge. Had I known this, I would have taken a picture :-). The only person who didn’t actually do anything wrong, was the one and only Carolyn. As usual the route she devised was absolutely brilliant - it had everything in it, some hills, some turns and a great cafe. 

Some decided they were going direct to Ware and I looked round and the majority stayed with us. We got to Ware at about 8.30 (OK, it may have been earlier than that, probably about 2). Still a lovely ride, despite everyone returning looking like they had all been in a war zone and not on a country ride! 

I actually enjoyed this ride. Rider of the day: Daniel Horn, who clearly needs glasses or thought he could get cash out of the number pad and wanted a close up view. I was going to give the award to Carolyn, but Daniel got the nod, for striking an inanimate object that only Daniel can hit! 

Thanks all for coming. 
Obviously, written from the throne. 
Love and kisses. 

Category 4 ride led by Ian Bembridge

Parrishes in Thaxted was the destination, but there were a few hiccups to get over in the early stages. Graham reported to the start with a dodgy gear cable and had to return home for a replacement bike. Then a sharp flint attacked Ian’s rear tyre before Much Hadham, which prompted the usual discussions from the four participants. What was the best way to remove and replace the tyre to fit the new tube, tyre leavers, a tyre glider or plain old push with the hands? What should the replacement tube look like? The correct width yes, but it should be thin, not fat, a point that struck home with a big bang as the new tube exploded whilst Denis was giving it a few extra blasts from his high-pressure pump! 

After that it was down to Pete to slap a quick-stick patch on the original tube so that the riders could get on their way before the forecast rain came. 

But a bit more drama was yet to unfold as yours truly forgot about the climb out of the Farnham Road ford and losing focus whilst being in completely the wrong gear, duly fell off. Fortunately, the other riders were sufficiently alert to avoid the mess in the middle of the road. So as the Herts Wheelers jacket was still in one piece and the only damage was a grazed knee, the riders set off again, with Graham wondering whether he going to get home before dark. 

The rest of the ride was closer to plan, and although the high street in Thaxted was closed for a Coronation celebration, we managed to get to Parrishes and thanks to the good will of the owner, who extended the witching hour, we were able to order cooked food. 

A fast ride back to Ware even with the wind in our faces meant that our average speed was just below 15 mph, despite the problems on the way out. 

Thanks to Denis, Pete and Graham for their help, witty comments and good company. The forecast rain never materialised, the roads were quiet, so it was an altogether enjoyable ride.