Club run reports - 15th December

Category 6 ride led by Tony Dos Santos

Today was going to be epic. Yes, epic! Lisa and I were endeavouring to herd thirty seven Wheelers into Mill End Plants.  We both agreed it would be like herding cats. Obviously, not all were coming on the cat 6. Each category was either leaving earlier or later, but converging (big word, eh) between 10:15 and 10:45. 

I met Leigh at 8:30 in Hoddesdon. We got into Ware at a quarter to nine and not a sole in sight, apart from Peter Bloomfield, who had decided to ride a child’s bike for the day (snigger, chortle - remember, no emoticons on the website). 

I would just like to say a speedy recovery to Graham Rogers. We miss you Graham. Right all sentimental stuff out the way (Love emoji). 

The usual suspects arrived and then who should come round the corner but Ryan and Katy Page. Obviously, Ryan being Ryan, decided to carry out a full bike strip down in front of us. We were all in awe as he took the mudguard off, as he was cursing and swearing (snigger, snigger). It’s really nice to see them both and they MUST (yes I shouted - chortle chortle) come on more rides. 

The usual suspects turned up. Carolyn decided to go “full Monty” and her bike looked like a Christmas explosion. If you look in the image (attached) and zoom in, you might just find the Christmas bell, that was stolen, yes stolen, off her Christmas tree (chortle, snigger, roflmao). 

With Ryan’s full strip down completed, we left just after nine. Carolyn was not happy (smiley face). It appeared to be a bit of struggle with the wind in our faces. However, we had Pete the Dish (we will call him PTD from now on) to be able to draft behind if needed. We went up “the hill” at Cambridge Road. Ian Bailey, as usual passed me half way up, then I went into “power mode” and shot by. Ian couldn’t believe it, nay, he was perplexed (big word, eh), that Tony had won the “battle of the hill”, for the first time. 

Along the route, a rider shot passed us - it was Laura O’Shea. But she completely ignored us, or was it the fact that she was going so fast, the wind was rushing in her ears? Probably the first one, I’d ignore myself (chortle, snigger, snigger). 

OK, I’m rambling a little now. We rode along, ride, ride, ride and before we knew it, we were on our way up the hill towards Mill End. Ian Bailey, once again, flew by me, I was having none of it, with one hundred metres to go, I shot past him and once again, I had beaten Ian on a hill. Ian was now wondering if I had been replaced by “my double”. We rode the last few miles and got to Mill End. 

We arrived by 10.30 and who was there already? Yes the cat 4 had beaten us. Also Kev and Laura O’Shea, were sitting there. Damn, would the Bakewell be gone?

My head had now gone into meltdown mode, then I remembered we had all ordered in advance. Phew. Before I said my hellos, I shouted “Santos Claus has entered the building” - groans were heard all over Hertfordshire! I said my hellos and went to queue. 

I decided to sit on the “Cat 1 table” as obviously, I’m a honed athlete (snigger, snigger, chortle). During a chat with Laura and Kev, we found out that Kev had stripped his bike down, broken the brake, stolen another brake off another bike and then rode here. Obviously, Laura told him to catch her up (roflmao). 

More and more came piling in and then Janine (J9 - I mean how did they even imagine to get that name - snigger, chortle) turned up in full Santa gear, including Santa hot pants. She had really gone to town. Ten out of ten for effort. 

Pete Kelleway was then presented with a medal by David for winning a quiz. I can’t find a picture of the medal, but it was absolutely huge! (Chortle, chortle). ,

Chris Boulton, Oliver Lea and Sam Ball came in. I had to put Sam’s name last and he’s normally at the back! (Chortle, roflmao, snigger snigger- sorry Sam, I couldn’t resist). 

The food came out swiftly, considering they were catering for thirty seven of us. Amazing, how they consistently cook lovely food. 

Someone went over to what they thought was hot water, and we all found out it was mulled wine. I turned my nose up at it, as about forty years ago I had tried it and didn’t like it. However, me being me, I took one for the team and drunk some. OMG (I had to put this acronym (big word, eh), as, obviously I’m not allowed to swear and you’d never hear me swearing)). It was lovely! 

The festivities were nearly over for another year, and people were dancing on the tables as rolls were being thrown at each other. Or, did we start thanking all the ladies. Answers on a postcard to: IDC - Freemail IDC. Just remember to put the return address for Tony Dos Santos (if you need my address, send me a PM). Oh, and you have to stick a £50 note to it. 

Then the cat 3 arrived! I don’t think they understood timings etc (roflmao, chortle, chortle).

That’s it, the ride was over. Just kidding, oh look squirrel, I’ve got another twenty more miles of drivel to write. (Look down). 

We all got up but knew it was only twenty miles back. What we didn’t realise that it was into a crosswind. The intrepid fourteen, all fed and watered, were on our merry way. 

The ride back went very quickly, despite the headwind, obviously, as it was all downhill (snigger, snigger). Apart from Peter Bloomfield passing us on the smallest bike I’ve ever seen with drop handlebars. 

As you can see, I’m getting a tad bored sitting on, well, you know where I am. 

We arrived swiftly in Ware and the ride was over. 

Firstly - Katy don’t be a stranger (I know you’re reading this as Ryan said you do (snigger, snigger)). 

Just a special mention for Lisa Ridoutt for running around and making this all possible. 

Well that’s it from me, signing off and on written on the throne. 

Love you all.